Hoffman on the mend

our very own "ingredient X," Trevor Hoffman, could be making his Crew debut in a week.

Ball Four

Intelligent commentary on Jim Bouton's over-rated non-masterpiece.

Brewers growing a staff?

The Brewers' nascent attempt to grow some pitching may have a chance to succeed, according to one writer on the scene who reminds us

This year's Rattlers staff includes five starters rated by Baseball America as among the top 30 prospects in the Brewers' minor league system.

Willie Randolph

This weekend, Willie Randolph will be maknig his first visit back to a Mets home game since his unceremonious (ignominious?) firing last year.

Pelfrey will miss start Sunday: tendinitis

Triple-A pitcher Jon Niese may face the Crew in his place. Could be fun if they beat up on the guy!

Riske on DL: "a tight right elbow"

Per mlb.com, they recalled lefty R.J. Swindle. Swindle is 25 and hungry; Riske is 32 and damaged, and has been a big disappointment since the Crew picked him up. I'd take odds that we may never see Riske in the bigs again -- they've given him about as much rope as they can. Good luck, RJ.

A-hole is a stupid ignorant brainwashed fuck, part 10007

A couple of typically dumb-as-dirt recent entries by A-hole:

Great Britain is afraid to even go after pirates...because they can claim refugee status. My goodness, Europe as a whole seems to be turning into France.
... If not for the US military, it seems everyone would just twiddle their thumbs and wish they could do something about extremely evil people plundering and pillaging. Simply astounding.
...Of course, if 1000 pirates go out, and 900 of them are killed, suddenly, it's not so appealing anymore. I suppose this may go against some, who would choose to sit down and reason with the terrorists...you know, please stop this, it's not proper, here have some tea.

... and ...

As the world ponders what exactly to do, the US Navy is the solution.
To make that old line work for today, if the US military didn't exist, the world would have to invent them.

... and ...

Thank goodness they did not declare refugee status, as the men and women of the US Navy was policing international waters and taking care of business.

First, note the incredibly stupid right-wing meme that non-right-wingers want to treat criminals like naughty schoolchildren: "some, who would choose to sit down and reason with the terrorists...you know, please stop this, it's not proper, here have some tea." Where do they get this? Talk radio, Fox news, and all the other dumb-as-dirt right-wingers they've met.
Next, note the de rigueur France-bashing, which is based on absolutely nothing at all except two facts: 1) The Nazis overwhelmed France and France surrendered; 2) France refused to go in lockstep with the USA when we illegally invaded and occupied Iraq based on lies told by the Bush Administration: "Europe as a whole seems to be turning into France." And what does THAT refer to? An unsubstantiated rumor about "Her Majesty's Government" started by a National Review propagandist, then quoted a hundred times by a hundred right-wing blogs; of course, for a criminal charged in one's own nation, all "refugee status" would do is prevent extradition -- IT WOULD NOT PREVENT TRIAL AND IMPRISONMENT, you stupid fucking right-wing dicks. And it doesn't matter anyway, because THE STORY ABOUT ENGLAND IS NOT TRUE.
But about France and the third point, "If not for the US military, it seems everyone would just twiddle their thumbs":

France has been particularly aggressive against pirates, spearheading European anti-piracy efforts in the Gulf of Aden. French special forces freed Le Ponant and another boat last year from pirates, and last week rescued a third.
During Ponant rescue, six pirates escaped and six others were brought to France where they are awaiting trial. Another six pirates are also awaiting trial from the other 2008 raid. In Friday's hostage rescue, two pirates and one French hostage were killed and three pirates were captured. Those three are now in custody in the French city of Rennes.

GET IT, YOU STUPID FUCK? You think everyone else is doing nothing because you KNOW nothing. But will A-hole give credit to the French forces? No -- duh!
Meanwhile, while creaming his pants about the US military, A-hole gets all philosophical about his fellow dumb-as-dirt right-wingers' latest public display of ignorance:

It's not often a bunch of fiscal conservatives get together and try to give some attention to their plight, feeling overtaxed and ignored. ...Many of those most upset are small business owners and the like; ... bringing attention to the problem can only be a good thing.

Get this through your head, dumbshit: The USA has spent THREE TRILLION DOLLARS on the freaking PENTAGON in the past SEVEN YEARS. Eisenhower warned against the military-industrial complex in 1960. Since then, we've budgeted close to FIFTEEN TRILLION DOLLARS for the freaking PENTAGON. And yet A-hole's only stated budget preference is that there be no cuts to the Pentagon!

They are perfectly brainwashed, and yet again, A-hole typifies them perfectly.

A-hole is an ignorant Bush apologist, part 1009

A-hole has indulgently explained, again and again and again, that recessions never occur unless there are -- and occur only if there are -- two consecutive quarters of negative growth. He is absolutely certain of this ... because he heard it somewhere, and is too stupid to check out his typically ignorant presumption. For example, today, yet again, he tells us "This looks to be a standard, 3-4 quarter recession."

In fact, recessions are defined based on many factors. If recessions were based simply on quarterly GDP, then all recessions would be 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, etc. months long, and never any other number.

Guess what? The current recession began in December 2007 and is now in its SEVENTEENTH MONTH, making it THE LONGEST RECESSION SINCE THE ONE THAT BEGAN IN AUGUST 1929.

Get it? The recession is ALREADY seventeen months long. I guess A-hole's prediction of a 9- to 12-month recession is, uh ... EXTRAORDINARILY STUPID AND IGNORANT. And his statement that the recession is "standard" is, too. What a surprise.

So here's an open letter to A-hole.

Dear A-hole, you are a stupid ignorant right-wing Bush-apologist fuck. Here's an idea: Learn something.

Nix's revenge

From July 10, 2005, through last Sunday, April 12, 2009 -- three years and nine months -- Laynce Nix had only four doubles in more than 100 major league plate appearances. During his entire career, he had never hit a double as a pinch hitter -- in fact, he had only one pinch hit, a single. So, sure enough, he gets revenge on the Brewers (for letting him go) by getting two pinch-hit doubles in two games. Go figure.

The Wall Street Journal (???) on Parra and grounders

About three years too late, the WSJ explains

After years of watching fly balls sail out of Coors Field, the Colorado Rockies decided to start collecting sinkerball specialists who generate a lot of ground balls.

Oh yeah, almost forgot -- there's also this thing called a humidor ....

Suppan missing next start

Macha has pushed back the start so Suppan can "work on his command." Translation: he's injured.

A-hole is ignorant, part 10,004

A-hole posted some typical self-alienating defense of those poor poor corporations, which are so put upon. He also does the usual "liberals think they're evil!" thing, which is the book-end set-piece to the "liberals want to sing kum-bay-ah with the terrorists!" meme -- you know, the one that really stupid right-wingers believe because they've never actually talked to anybody who knows anything, but instead simply parrot whatever stupid cliche is spat out by the nearest talk radio station. But for those keeping score, that's: liberals hate corporations and are naively accepting of terrorists. Seriously, think about it: can any belief system more perfectly declare its own abject stupidity and ignorance? Can someone possibly scream more loudly, "I DRINK THE KOOLAID!" than a right-winger who says this stuff?

But while we're at it, let's continue our campaign to educate A-hole:

In 2005, the most recent year for which there is comprehensive information, more than 25% of the biggest corporations PAID NO INCOME TAXES AT ALL.

In the 1950s, corporate taxes accounted for more than a quarter of government revenue; now IT IS LESS THAN TEN PERCENT.

Here and here.

A-hole writes: "The really funny one is the one about taxing corporate profits paid out as dividends twice. This despite the fact many folks feel those big, evil companies don't pay any taxes...when the truth is, they often pay twice...just because."

Guess what? He's wrong again! What a surprise! But here's the secret: HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO READ VERY WELL. He thinks corporations "often pay twice" on their dividends. Let's explain something: corporations pay once, IF AT ALL, on their INCOME. They also pay out dividends, if at all, whether or not (in most cases) they've had any income in recent quarters. then, when the dividends are paid, STOCKHOLDERS are taxed on THEIR dividends. So the corporations pay ONCE, if at all. Of course, dumb-ass A-hole, having been hypnotized, would respond "The stockholders ARE the corporation!" In fact, most stockholders are institutional investment corporations, which, on average, hold stocks for less than one month at a time. If they so happen to hold the stock when it goes ex-dividend during one quarter, chances are they will no longer be holding it the next.

Regardless, let's repeat: CORPORATIONS ARE NOT TAXED ON DIVIDENDS. THEY ARE TAXED, ONCE, IF AT ALL, ON INCOME. THEY PAY OUT DIVIDENDS TO STOCKHOLDERS, WHO ARE TAXED ONCE, IF AT ALL, ON THE DIVIDENDS.

His belief: "the truth is, they often pay twice."

Dear A-hole: You're a stupid right-wing dick. Fucking learn something.

Yanks traded Ruben Rivera for Nick Swisher

... not really. But a NY Times blog describes the "evolution of a trade."

1 inning, 4 runs walked in -- a record?

Nope -- not even for this week.

EDIT: ESPN says it's the 9th time since 1969. No word on whether it tied a record.

McGehee's pot of coffee

Nice article on Casey McGehee from his hometown paper in Fresno. (Well, not quite hometown; he grew up in Santa Cruz and went to school in Fresno.) He reports

I came home early during Thanksgiving and I got myself a personal trainer in Tennessee and I was there for four days a week. He was killing me, but I think that was the biggest difference when I came to camp because I was stronger and agile. I felt like my range of motion improved a lot.

Way to go, Casey.

Nashville hurler Nick Green was Adenhart's roomie

A Georgia paper describes Green's tragic friendships with Nick Adenhart and others. Some people just live under a bad star, I guess.

Jack Zduriencik: poacher?

Jack Zduriencik reportedly

brought a lot of (minor league guys) over with him from the Brewers. There's a whole bunch of guys he switched, older guys who had more time than some of the Seattle guys. It's like he's giving the guys from the Brewers one more shot to prove themselves at a higher level.

So says Seattle-owned minor league pitcher Ryan Moorer in a Salem Mass. paper.

The Ten Commandments of Baseball

Nice interview with the author of The Ten Commandments of Baseball -- and he's a Brewers fan! Unfortunately, he ruins it with the obnoxious Grover Cleveland Alexander anecdote at the end.

Joe Morgan's latest brilliant insight

Morgan says Ramirez should bat above Bradley, because the former is the Cubs' "best hitter" and thus should have more PAs.

Oh, really, Joe? Last year, Ramirez went 380/518. Bradley went 435/563. That's right: Bradley's OPS was 100 points higher.

It would be nice if, just once, Joe would do his homework. But even if he did, all he'd see was the RBI column.

Soriano, again

If you're going to give up a homer to the first guy up, it may as well be Soriano -- he's third in all-time game-starting HRs.

On another subject: the double-switches could be interesting today, with Duffy and Counsell in the opening line-up.

Crew's AA squad acquires Billy Beane pick

One Kevin Melillo was signed by Huntsville after establishing himself as a 2B in triple-A. Melillo was chosen by Oakland in the 2004 draft. You gotta root for the guy: he made it to the bigs for exactly one plate appearance, becoming (for now) the 5th player in MLB history to have one walk and nothing else. His AAA stats are unimpressive, but he does have good plate discipline (maybe that's what Beane liked); if he's a slick fielder, he would be a reasonably good September call-up.

7 Cy Youngs + 7 Opening Day starts = 7.7 ERA

"Johan Santana, Cliff Lee, Brandon Webb, CC Sabathia, Roy Halladay, Jake Peavy and Tim Lincecum. The seven former Cy Young Award winners combined to go 2-3 with a 7.75 earned run average in their Opening Day starts." Thanks to American Chronicle ... which also reports this tidbit:

Brewers reliever Todd Coffey will make $800,002. "I just wanted an even number, other than zero. I've always done it that way," he explained.

Prince Fielder should definitely add a couple dollars to his salary for that impressive fielder's choice throw to home that saved Dave Bush an earnie; Bush owes him a steak, at least.

mlb.com gameday audio strikes out

Everyone hates this year's version of mlb.com's GameDay audio. Me, too. For starters, there's no rewind, pause, or fast-forwards for listening to an archived (i.e., earlier that day) game. Need I say more?

Jewish MLB player cards

A special set of Jewish MLB player cards; and a nice article by Sarah Talalay to describe them.

Peavy, again

The Peavy rumors continue.

Villanueva v. Soriano

Villanueva's better against righties, Soriano's worse against righties. Villanueva averages one HR allowed per 25-26 PA vs. righties. Soriano sends one to the stands.

Could it be (ominous music) Mike Rivera's fault? Uh, no, but check it out:

Villanueva's PA/HR by catcher:

Estrada 26.4
Kendall 26.3
Miller 29.7
Rivera 21.2
Moeller (no HR)

40% more HR/PAs with Rivera than with Miller!

Another interesting item from bb.ref.com: the pitcher "most similar" to Villy is his opposite number in today's game, Carlos Marmol. (For the record, a late-1970s non-entity named Mike Paxton is "most similar by age"; Paxton lasted barely four seasons, but that was before there were pitch counts.)

1990s-native Lawrie's first dinger

Brett Lawrie -- aka "the first baseball player born in the 1990s whose name I know" -- hit his first home run as a professional Friday.

Let me say it again: he was born in the 1990s.

Hart adjusted his stance during spring training

According to Corey Provis, Hart adjusted his stance during spring training. He says he's seeing the ball better and is more patient at the plate. Apparently, his collapse last September inspired the change.

Harden owned them

Aside from the gopher ball to Hart, Rich Harden could do no wrong. The double by Hall was actually more of a Cubs "team error." That leaves a single and one (unintentional) walk, plus an unearned run. Fortunately, all those strike-outs took up a lot of pitches, and Harden got pulled so soon during a great start that the Cubs used almost their entire bullpen in a regulation game. If the Brewers' hitters get over their three-game slump, knocking the starter out before the sixth could really pay off in the later innings Saturday.

And speaking of that bullpen, how stupid is it to use Gregg instead of Marmol as the closer?

Kendall's eyes or the A's' pitchers?

Corey Provis may not have done his homework on Jason Kendall (though I'm not sure because it's arguing from absence). He mentioned that Kendall had eye surgery before last season, and credited this for Jason's (vastly) improved CS rate in 2008. In fact, the Brewers weren't spooked by Kendall's awful CS rate in Oakland; the team's statistician noted that Oakland's starting pitchers were unusually poor at holding runners on first, and/or releasing the ball soon enough to prevent a huge jump. The theory was that Kendall's CS would improve once he was catching a different rotation. Obviously eye surgery helped, too -- but it's hard to believe the Brewers would have relied on that alone, when its outcome was still uncertain.

Baseball America looks at minor league depth in the NL Central

Make a list of the names: you'll hear them all again when trade-rumor season begins in late July and when the call-ups occur in September.

With Jim Powell gone, Uke and ... Kermit the Frog?

This should vaguely annoy A-hole because it implies that, just maybe, there's an environmental problem that needs to be addressed. Of course, A-hole doesn't really buy it, because scientists don't really know anything. I mean, how could you possibly know what the temperature used to be, a long time ago? You can't! So there's no global warming! Am I right, people?

Escobar only 27th?

Fantasy Guru Rob Blackstien ranks Alcides Escobar 27th in his list of the top 40 prospects. Disappointing, really ... and to add injury to insult, Matt LaPorta is 21st.

A-hole is ignorant, part 1001 and 1002

A-hole's insightful political gloss on a drunk driving death: "Of course, in WI, the drunken driver would be given a small fine and sent on his way, so I guess it isn't even a serious offense."

Actually, Wisconsin has an unconstitutional law that permits a homicide charge for ANY driver under ANY circumstances who is in an accident causing ANY death if the driver has ANY alcohol in his system (940.09(1)(a)). In other words, someone with a 0.00001 alcohol content who runs over a person coming out of a manhole two feet in front of him is subject to a homicide charge. The right-wing Wisconsin Supreme Court (over the intelligent dissent of Shirley Abrahamson) found in State v. Caibaiosai that this was NOT a strict liability felony, which would have been unconstitutional per a venerable US Supreme Court ruling. But then, A-hole wouldn't know that, because he doesn't know anything.

And while we're at it, A-hole tells us that "Glenn" (a right-wing dick whose insights usually amount to "heh" and "indeed") "sums up Iraq perfectly." Oh, really? Did he "sum up" the ONE MILLION IRAQI DEATHS that our illegal, groundless, based-on-lies invasion and occupation have caused?

Bengie Molina

34-year-old Bengie Molina has been in the zone the whole series. Parra made an excellent pitch and Molina adjusted his feet and hit it off the wall (where Corey Hart learned something: the SF walls have spots that deaden the ball's bounce). Molina has never had an OPS+ above 108, so this must be a fluke ... unless, during the off-season, he made a career-changing adjustment in his swing. It will be interesting to see how his April goes, before the inevitable regression to the mean.

The fact that he got clobbered on an excellent pitch seemed to unhinge Parra, who looked bad the rest of the inning.

Speaking of the SF outfield walls: has there ever been a veteran outfielder more expert in his own park than Randy Winn? Well, yeah, but Winn is still pretty amazing out there in the right field funhouse.

Commissioner Rendell?

Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell wants to succeed Selig. Before becoming Governor, Rendell was an unusually effective Mayor of an unusually difficult city -- if he can handle Philadelphians, he can handle anything.

Up the minors ladder, or skip ahead?

A Nashville guy comments on the Brewers' patience in the minors, contrasting it with the Marlins'. This is the first I've heard of examiner.com, which is an interesting concept.

vs Giants, another ugly inning; then Johnson makes a mistake

... but the error on Kendall should have been charged to Hardy. The throw, like all throws to 2nd from home, was on a bounce, and Hardy just misplayed it. In any case, no one scored.

Then Johnson got Fielder to swing and miss/foul at three sliders (among other pitches); he threw the same pitch at Cameron but it was hanging, and Cameron bats from the other side: HR. The key to beating a 45-year-old former superstar is to wait for his mistakes.

I'm guessing we see a few more gopher balls before the Giants reach the bullpen.*

Incidentally, Johnson is THE Giant -- at 6'10", he's the tallest Giant in the history of the franchise.

*EDIT: Well, I got THAT one right ... but I never expected it would be Gallardo who would hit the high heat, which was neither high nor hot enough and looked like BP. I guess Johnson didn't expect it either: "The Milwaukee Brewers are a really good hitting team. So you need to think about what you're throwing before you throw it, and then execute the pitch." Except you don't have to think much when the pitcher's up ...

Villenueva's stuff looked gorgeous -- he didn't make a bad pitch. With luck, he can do that for longer than an inning against better clubs.

Good article on the Nashville Sounds

From the Nashville Tennessean: Tony Gwynn's just glad that the scoreboard is working! Also, manager and former Gold-Glove Brewers Third Baseman Don Money "is known as a disciplinarian who doesn’t allow facial hair." Which is chickenshit.

The article points out something that demonstrates the negativity of the press: "The 2008 Sounds posted the worst record (59-81) in franchise history." On a positive note, they can only get better -- and thus prove that Money's chickenshit works.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot how to write: the penultimate sentence above should have been followed by a ";)" because no one can possibly understand irony without neon signs pointing it out. ;)

A-Hole's stock picks -- down 57% in two years

Recently, one of A-hole's equally stupid fans wrote to congratulate A-hole on his profound ability to forecast the economy. Let's look back, shall we?

In March of 2007 (March 2nd or 3rd), another A-hole fan wrote to ask A-hole's advice on investment. A-hole (who never misses an opportunity to criticize the "negativity" of the economic press, except when it's anti-Obama) recommended the following: Dow, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, Washington Mutual, Allstate, Capital One, and a dividend-based ETF from iShares, DVY.

Here's how they've done since then:
Wal-Mart up 10.04%, an annualized return of +4.66%.
Dow down 76%
Home Depot down 35%
Washington Mutual down ONE HUNDRED PERCENT (but then A-hole would joke, I wasn't wrong, I was early! :) ... because stocks always go up in the long run, except those which cease to exist and stay at zero forever, like WaMu)
Allstate down 64%
Capital One down 82%
DVY down 53%

Of course, the only pick he ever referred to again was Wal-Mart.

If you had bought an equal amount of all those stocks, you would have lost 57.25% as of today. Dividends would bring the figure down to about 50%.

But he wasn't wrong, he was early! :) Of course, in the same period the S&P 500 was down 40.51% ... so A-hole underperformed the market by only 1674 basis points.

Josh Hamilton is neither negative nor ignorant -- he gets MY vote!

Braun or Hamilton? (In honor of A-hole, I should just type "Josh," with whom, as with everyone else, A-hole is on a first-name basis when spell-check isn't available.) This is sort of like Al Franken or Norm Coleman. A-hole tells us that Franken is "ignorant" and "negative." A-hole doesn't seem to know much about Coleman. I guess, then, uh ... COLEMAN! uh, I mean HAMILTON! Because I always base my opinions on wild guesses derived from half-baked assumptions, and Hamilton is NOT negative and is NOT ignorant.

After one game, Crew projected to win 2.4 fewer games

This just in -- the one-game projection by coolstandings is the Crew wins 85.8 games, 2.4 fewer than yesterday's estimate. That's sort of like A-hole's belief that the stock market's dive after January 6th (but before March 9th) was because "the market" must have been ridiculing the stimulus.

Ordinarily, A-hole would say "small sample size" (cuz he smurt), but in this case ... why, it was so obvious! It had to be because the grown-ups -- the "market" -- thought Obama Iz Dum, jes' like A-hole! [... did, .... is ... thought ... uh, sorry, reading A-hole made me lose any connection I might once have had to grammar.]

Until the market went up 26% in the next four weeks....

At which point, obviously (again), it had nothing to do with Obama (not again).

Prince Fielder, Cover Model

Prince Fielder (whom A-hole would refer to as "Prince" because he calls everybody by his or her first name -- Ann, Glenn, etc. -- because he can't spell last names and spell-check doesn't help you with that) will be the cover model for the video game The BIGS 2. Money for nothing and your chicks for free. That's a joke, so I will observe A-hole's custom in case any of you is as dumb as he is: :)

Be positive and informed, and support invading neutral sovereigns

OnMilwaukee points out that McClung and Bush didn't look much better than Macha's choice. (Shhh! A-hole might say I'm being "negative." The press is always "negative," one of the six or eight adjectives A-hole knows. The other favorite is "ignorant." As in, "How could you be so negative and ignorant as to think it was a bad thing to invade a country that posed no threat to us?")

A-hole's Greatest Hits

It will take a lot of time and effort to fully exploit A-hole in demonstrating his typical representation of ignorant parochial right-wingers.

For starters, let us remember that A-hole offered this solution to Hurricane Katrina (an event he ceaselessly downplays; apparently, he thinks it didn't amount to much, because the news networks were not perfectly accurate in their reporting of it):

1. People in New Orleans should pair up.
2. Each of them should get a regular 40-hour-a-week job, plus an extra job.
3. They should pool their money from the extra job.
4. They should use the money to buy prefabricated housing in, say, Minnesota.
5. When their homes are wiped out by a hurricane, etc., they should move to their Minnesota homes, and thus escape catastrophe.

Has anyone in America ever better typified ignorant parochial right-wingers than A-hole?

At last! Brewers blogging without the ignorant right-wing parochial bullshit!

I reached my limit with A-hole's Ramblings tonight, after he called French workers "insane" for actually believing that their lives equal their work. This is typical for authoritarian-ass-kisser A-hole. He thinks people are the property of their employers. That's because he doesn't know any better, and so happily submits to being his employer's property and believes others should be just like him. In fact, that's one of his basic beliefs: Others should be just like me. But hence, I don't digress by saying, um ... PAROCHIAL!

I'm sure you want a decent Brewers blog, and I'm sure you're sick of reading this jerk's ignorant right-wing parochialism. So, starting today, we'll just copy all of his posts and his links, and let you come here instead. I'm sure free-marketeer A-hole won't mind.

Also, we'll comment on him as someone who typifies much of what is wrong with the uneducated, ignorant parochial right-wingers of the USA.